Friday, July 18, 2014
Dating Myths and Misconceptions Part 1- "Wait and She'll Come Along..."
So I decided to make the first post on this advice blog about myths and misconceptions guys with less experience get about dating. They get it from peers, parents, sisters, brothers, though often times its from female peers or family members (more on this in a later post). One of the ones I've heard myself time and time again, and have heard directed at others goes something like "well stop looking for a relationship and you'll find one" or some permutation of this. I will say this, from my experience, it is TOTAL AND UTTER BULLSHIT. I'm sorry to offend those who give this advice, but its overly simplistic and if done out of sheer pity, COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. As a personal note, I was first told this at an early age, actually, age 13. I had just gotten home from the roller skating rink from some buddies of mine, and was sad that both my friends got to dance with two attractive females, while I was rejected for asking maybe one girl at the whole place to dance during the dance songs (this was when roller rinks were more popular than they are now lol). I had lamented the rejection and was talking to my sister about it when she first gave me this answer that is repeated far too often and that I see repeated far too often. Its like by the sheer will of the universe, God, or whatever, that if you stop looking you'll magically find someone approaching you who will fulfill your desires for a relationship or physical companionship. I'm sorry but from past experience and talking with countless others, it just doesn't work that way. If you're a male in our society, especially one who is less social than others, suffers from social anxiety, doesn't have model looks or personality or whatever, you really do have to WORK FOR IT. It was almost three years after that conversation that I even had my first date, and started even hanging out with girls, but even that turned into a disaster that didn't have me losing my virginity until age 24. In further installments I'll further apply my own experiences to help with this blog, but needless to say the ADVICE DIDN'T WORK. But without berating my sister for said advice, let's look at what I think the intention of what was being said, rather than what was actually interpreted. I think what she was trying to say is "Don't act desperate, live your life, and you'll meet people naturally". She should've said "if you're an outgoing and happy person" but it was a little early in my development to know that I wasn't one of those guys at the time. I think this may be the intention for all this type of advice, no matter how its stated. But I say, why give this advice if its so misinterpreted, vague and unrealistic? What I think people should say is: "Improve your life, be a happy person, but be on the lookout and go after those who interest you when you encounter them, or put yourself in situations where you do encounter them" rather than the former proclaimations. I think we would all be better if we were honest with each other, instead of giving hope to those who lack experience. Of course the intention is to comfort the guy who is having trouble, but a little kick in pants would be good in these situations. It wasn't only from my sister that I heard this from by the way, and to be fair she gave me good advice later, but all in all it just illustrates a point that I am trying to make. The way to get things in life is by doing, and going after what you want. If you are concerned with what others think too much, or are "desperate" yes it will effect what you're going after. But nevertheless, being a positive person, and being comfortable with oneself, AS WELL as being proactive is to me, the way to go for what you want in life.