Monday, July 28, 2014
Morality, Marriage, and Dating.
I'm going to address, in this blog post, something that has bothered me for a long time. On one of the first dates with one of my exes, we talked about Christian virgins that we both knew and how ridiculous the concept of remaining "pure before marriage" is. In this post (which is honestly a bit of a digression/departure from the stated purpose of this blog) I will delve into this issue. It's actually not as much of a digression when we get down to the brass tacks however. This is not going to be made out to be a debate on religious morality (per se) or to knock anyone's personal beliefs. However, it is going to be about the very practical real world implications that having such a belief can impact one's love life. Now on the the points I'm trying to make. In this conversation with the aforementioned ex, we had talked about buying a car. When you're buying a car, you have to make sure its comfortable, and that you enjoy driving it. You also try it out (especially if used) because you want to make sure it drives properly. When dating someone, having sex with them is the solidification of a relationship beyond "friendship". This is what the whole point of a "sexual relationship". Now I've heard it argued that there are other things one can do before marriage (according to some of these people's personal morality) that are sexual without the act itself. But really they are implying that the other party would actually be comfortable with this, and that by "teasing" the act itself that they have 100 percent faith that it "won't happen" anyway. To me this is just (if not more) ridiculous than just kissing before marriage. They (these people) don't understand how things work in relationships, because they've NEVER HAD ANY. Another very naive thing I've discovered about some of these types is when they idealize people not of their religion, or even seek out relationships with them, with the belief that these people may "Fall in line" with their morals. Say there's a Christian guy, he's a virgin, and he's trying to date a non-christian "normal" non virgin woman. The woman has probably had multiple sexual partners and relationships (same as "normal" guys) and the expectation is that eventually full on sex will happen when dating, not when COMMITTING TO THE CHRISTIAN VIRGIN BOYFRIEND FOR LIFE. I would never expect a person who's been through the whole thing to just bend to my will because my morals involve me having to be married to someone to have sex. It is utterly ridiculous and naive to expect this. Any woman or man with reasonable expectations who's already been through it all would either leave or say "let's just be friends". I just find it unreasonably naive to expect this. If a Christian guy or woman expects another Christian partner to follow their beliefs, that's a totally different story. However, there's no way to know that they have sexual compatibility, that they are truly in a fulfilling relationship with the other person unless they are in a full on sexual relationship with them. Also, without having multiple partners or multiple relationships, its kind of naive to assume that the first person you have sex with has to be the "one for life". Normal people go through this, and its not like they're some evil sinners that have committed total blasphemy for sex before marriage. The fulfillment that marriage may provide can be a result of having life experiences, dating multiple people, and settling down with someone who you find satisfies you and vice versa, and having the discretion and knowledge that can only be found through LIFE EXPERIENCE.