Saturday, July 26, 2014
Dating Myths and Misconceptions Part 3- You're "Shallow" If You Go For What You Want.
We live in a looks and youth obsessed culture. Part of it could be social conditioning, but there are many studies by evolutionary biologists that state that we have certain preferences because of our genetic makeup and that its "preferred" because (for heterosexuals but one would argue other orientations as well) of procreative ability, health, etc. However, where does the conditioning begin and our natural inclinations begin? Well I'm here to state it doesn't matter, its all about what YOU want and WHAT YOUR PREFERENCES ARE! Some people like Mexican food, some prefer Thai. We all have our preferences based on our experiences, and our innate likes or dislikes. But when it comes to dating, there are forces that are out there that often malign the inexperienced as "shallow" or "superficial" once we state our preferences. Now the pendulum can swing the other way as well. If you're only attracted to women that look like some famous movie star, you're missing the point. The same goes for the idea that you're so picky that you follow these preferences like a religion and it causes you to actually be picky in situations where looking at even a rational point of view it would seem ridiculous. Of course there are guys that are NOT picky, and guys that are (an upcoming post I have written deals with two distinct types of men when it comes to dating/sleeping around). What we have to do, as men, is figure out what attracts us the most and go after it. Certain facial structures, body types, etc, may not be what the status quo likes at the time, or just part of what it likes at the time, but it should become evident to you that you're better off going after what completely and 100 percent is attractive to YOU. Your "10" could be someone else's "1" and vice versa. So its a balancing act. I think the people who gave me scorn when I used to mention my preferences were just misunderstanding what my preferences were. I wasn't stating that the women I dated had to look like some celebrity, but that there were certain features I found more appealing than others. There are some studies that say our preferences have to do with our genetic makeup as well. These studies should not be discounted as far as mate selection either. Science shouldn't excuse bad behaviors, but they should help justify why certain people are HAPPIER when making certain choices. One shouldn't have to apologize for preferring blondes if that's what comes natural to them. If they're saying it JUST because their friends are saying it- of course its nonsense. If someone is NATURALLY attracted to obese women, or blondes, or goths, or whatever, then they should own up to it. Its part of being a man with a distinct identity. It isn't shallow or superficial to feel good about the person you're with, regardless of the length of the relationship. Far too many people get into relationships with those who they either have no attraction to, or nothing that cements the relationship in an healthy way, whether it'd be common interests, traits that are complementary, etc. If one takes a look at the divorce rate, I'm sure that a huge percentage of divorces are because of this simple fact. One should go after what one wants. People may call you superficial if you don't articulate enough what you're trying to say, but there's only so much time in the world. Time in the world to not waste settling for what you don't want.