Saturday, July 26, 2014

Should You Have to Change Yourself To Become Better With Women?

I've known guys who didn't have jobs. Some of them actually physically stank, some of them lived in their parent's basement. Some of them abused chemicals, others were almost straight edge. I've seen all these guys have the ability to not only get women, but get hot women and keep them. However, I've also known guys with certain aspects who were abject failures with women. The advice time and time again is to "improve yourself" or to paraphrase the film Field of Dreams "build it and they will come". So which approach is right? Is it true that some guys have nothing going for them, not even some looks in some cases, can become successful with women. However on the opposite end, guys that have MORE going for them than these guys often are less successful. There are certain reasons for this. If you read my prior post on escalation (make a move, lose a friend) then you would know that sometimes these "nice" guys that have more stuff going on in life than these "losers" don't do what needs to be done as far as noticing queues, or trying to progress things physically forward (with consent of course). But as far as the question that this post postulates, its a complicated question with a complex answer. For years I was stuck in my ways, and my attitudes towards myself and the opposite sex. I was also stubborn about having to change myself, having to take actions that would make me more attractive. But the problems were directly related to the changes that I needed to make, and even as I continue to change, I see that in these situations, the problems that guys have outside of those "exceptions" I mentioned earlier are directly related to why they don't do well with girls. In essence, as a guy improves himself, the opportunities and advantages increase. The guys who are good as an "exception" are good often because of other factors, whether it'd be being more outgoing, funnier, more adventurous, daring, etc. They take more risks, but there's not denying that a guy that has his "shit together" would do even better if merging these two dichotomies as one. A guy that has the ability, but also has a well rounded life. In the cases where guys were bad because of aspects that only self-improvement would handle, the two and two go together. Become a happier person, you smile more, you get more indicators of interest from women, and you approach more. You're more physically attractive as a result of working out, or you go to more cool events or have more stuff to do, the same goes. You stop thinking about yourself and have the ability to focus, which decreases anxiety, and you notice your "peripherals" more (an upcoming post). So all in all, I think if you're bad with women, improving how you are as a person, can have so many effects on how you are its unimaginable. The improvements and advances can compound on themselves, and by this point its not about "just being yourself" but as Neil Strauss once said "being your best self".

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