Saturday, July 26, 2014
Unlearn What You Have Learned!!!
One of the most difficult concepts to wrap one's head around when trying to get better with dating is one of the idea of not learning new skills, but unlearning a lot of the bullshit, myths, misconceptions, and other things we were raised with. But this post is not about the ideas I have talked about in prior posts, but some of the things that we need to unlearn are traits that just plain put off people in general. For example, when I was young, I used to try to garner sympathy from people with my anxiety issues, use self-deprecating but clearly not funny humor, and just strut around like a miserable person in general. These types of self-defeating habits are obviously not conducive with success in dating, much less any type of relating with people. So in essence, we need to always look at what bad habits we have with people, and try best to eliminate them, just to improve ourselves in general. If you have bad hygeine and pick your nose in public, or make inappropiate jokes in public (without them being witty in any way), these are things we aren't always 100 % conscious of doing at all times. It takes a lot to look at these bad habits and try to cut down on them or quit them, but they're worth doing in general. One particular issue related to what I used to do is try to relate to girls with my problems and issues. While this may had been attractive to some, I felt it was detrimental in the long run to not only having healthy relationships and basing them on a more healthy foundation, but also sometimes attracted the wrong types, someone to wallow in my problems with. Also, in my youth, what I had found attractive in some ways, was this totally misguided idea of someone with the exact same problems as me, someone I could wallow in my problems with. With maturity and experience, I changed this belief, and that's the whole point of this post, that we need to unlearn some of these ideas that seem to us to be something that would serve what we think we want, but all in all, serve misplaced ideas and conceptions that only serve to harm us. Relating to women on the basis of problems we share may work in small quantities, and showing a little weakness is not bad, but it spells trouble when you being anything based around some type of negative aspect of your life.